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Wednesday, December 31, 2008 @ 12/31/2008 05:49:00 AM
Many a times, an impulse of thought or action, with hope that leads to a bright light ahead of the tunnel. Pretty much the same as the movie YES MAN. You take yourself out of the normal routine, throw in a little spice of spontaneous action and see what you get. Exactly what i felt today was like. After out of the blue deciding to meet for supper, after driving to look for a place i've never been before, after having awkward moments during supper, after driving to another place which i thought was unfindable...*is there such a word? Having certain feelings or emotions of what happens next. Getting back in my car to feel totally used.... Maybe this was a lesson learnt, a blow dealt right to myself. Would i myself have seen myself being a Alfie? i would think not apparently. Not doing the right things, saying the right things may have been my forte for tonight/morning... Maybe something else will happen or appear... no idea whatsoever... It is hard to look through the mist in which i create myself. From different conflicting thoughts which surface upwards to the whole big picture. Why i confuse or even bother myself... I know not why... It is a good thing everything i say and type will stay here and no one will know what i say but only i myself. A sign of weakness this would be to enemies and foes alike. Other than all this... an earlier issue which troubles me... An unwanted feeling towards another... To understand to read someone must be as hard as understanding the toughest laws of science. Some how seen as unproven and unfound. Why we may ask ourselves... Funny how it may even seem worrying... in simple logic... if nothing is there in the box, why bother to try and understand if the box creates something of its own magical aura and attract you to it? very simply I need and we need to discard the feeling of ever wanting to go near the box, ever again... learn from the mistakes of the process in which when we were getting near the box, a box is never ever simply out in the open. it is always carded by obstacles and traps. of which once trapped such pain and injuries one would receive. I can say from all this... definately the hardening of yours, mine, our exterior may be the only way to survive such bloodshed of battles. However... my mind now races to what i learnt... as a child... as a young christian... Why can't God be in the picture? Why cant he take all this away? make us have that Perfect Peace which surpasses all understanding? i ponder and i wonder non-stop now. the life i live... Can everything be explained? i would think not... I would only say... God... Please help me... Labels: Merry go round she goes Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 8/17/2008 05:46:00 PM
 You don't fall in love because you fall in love; you fall in love because of the need, desperate, to fall in love. When you feel that need, you have to watch your step; like having drunk a philter, the kind that makes you fall in love with the first thing you meet. It could be a duck-billed platypus. Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum As the days go on once again, it seems time itself is the medicine for all odds of such. Time itself is also a revealer, like an idiocratic story book letting you feel what is so different each time and each day. Things in themselves are non-living, non-consequential, however it is the memories which surround them that bring us closer to feel and wish we haven’t felt. Torn with the conflict, I feel that maybe in some way or another, as time reveals its story to me, I grow further away from who I know I should be. Sometimes we wear our hearts on our faces, oblivious that the world looks on, takes another look and walks on. There would be no need for the continuation of such, as even when time passes the bitterness of all; we wear masks to hide who we are true inside. The masks which comes in so many shapes and sizes, sometimes easy to wear, even enjoyable because the world likes them so much, but sometimes even too heavy for our heads to carry that when it falls one day, it shocks the world to know and they do not understand, incomprehensible to them that we look on dumbfounded that now we have to be ourselves with no more masks to hide under. How many people wear masks and how many masks do we have? It would be fictive to believe that nobody wears none. Because the world in itself changes people, it exposes us to so many and dependent on how much we wish to indulge in this world, it brings about the number of masks that we have. At the end of the day, what leaves us with how we feel? We look on at the world, understanding that nothing lasts forever. The past feelings, felt and thawed. As Umberto Eco expounds, You don't fall in love because you fall in love; you fall in love because of the need, desperate, to fall in love. We are all like having drank a philter, and from then, we take two routes of either doing too much or doing too little. Maybe I should wear that mask of old, the one which tears peoples masks down, the one that I did not like to wear but brought about the fruits of battle won? Would that be too much? Would that plunge me further into what I tried to run from before? Maybe I never ran away from being something that I know I shouldn’t have, but just never had the opportunity to. For when that mask is worn, no philters work. But only the wish for conquest and earthly conquests in which brings about nothing actually. For this normal self of mine to say it’s helped me achieve nothing, but for my masks self to revel and say it has only made my mask more impervious to the feelings of this world. When will it all end? When can we finally sit down, drink that coffee, tea or wine and say it is over? I don’t want to have conflicting ideas, maybe no one thinks as much as me. I wear my other masks the self of no-brainer which makes the world happy. I’ve slipped off my mask before and I feel it achieves nothing. That I should act the way in which it makes everyone happy. It feels lonely sometimes, not having anyone know how you feel or truly who you are. But all this bitterness crap also is the same reason which chases people away. Which is why it is only shown here, unknown by any, maybe some part of me wants someone to read it, and maybe some part of me doesn’t. All I know is, I pour my heart out. And live on with my different masks where if I were to drink Philters again, me in my mask would completely play the nonchalantly of the person which drugged me. Labels: Philter Wednesday, July 16, 2008 @ 7/16/2008 10:26:00 PM
So much has happened, to continue the sanity of my English in my current life. I look, reminiscence the moment of what happened. How easy is it to pick it up and to put it down? How easy is it for someone to play you like a fiddle? Look... No more shall this continue... You remember the moments as to when you held the cards, and only played them with a good hand. But yet a moment of folly and insistent of a lack of passion you waste it all. But this will only last, last for the periods of a cigar. To let but the feelings flow till the cigar burns out. The lifespan of but one cigar which controls compacts all into one. The feelings which hold ones night awake let it end when the cigar ends because no more of this must go on. It’s funny yet how the symphony of Coffee and Cigars which are both bitter brings about a bittersweet symphony. But yet not again should my ramble stray from my true feelings in which must be portrayed, expounded on before this time ends, until no more is left, but the feeling that all is done. That the words unsaid, the songs unsung should but finish when the coffee and cigar reaches its end. How long has it been, when the times of things that happen in front of you and you savour every moment of it not wanting to forget or let go. Funny how it sounds when you look back and wonder what happened and you wish with longing it lasted but only a little longer. Trust me when I say a load of ramblings with no sense whatsoever except for the writer himself will continue and move on down this road. The caution that reading this makes no sense but only to the writer himself is that everything here is but poetic and prose like to him. Where should I start? The moment when you said I’ll be yours, even though it is to be like a part-time boyfriend. When under the influence of alcohol and the spur of the moment that we both agreed. How am I to say that I have already fallen for you? Your cute little self that made me fall, so long have I not felt like this and how great it made me feel. How ironical it is with us humans that I feel that when I have nothing to offer your cute little self anymore. I’ve lived my cigars worth to you that when you’ve but reached the end, I am but burnt out. These words which I can’t say, I now write. Hoping that when it is written, it finishes all... Now wherever I look, I see you in it. The way a girl now looks, the way I think how much she looks like you, how cute are you with the way you talk, laughed and told me about your life. How I wished it lasted longer than it did. One day of being out all ended as soon as I could think about the future. How I wished every dream girl was like you. I find myself liking you more each time I think of you because each time I look, I feel how much in common we are. Like how we both have our own sense of self-justice. Maybe it isn’t self-justice in itself, but how we both know life at this moment in our life is only meant to be enjoyed and not constrained. How we both have our own ideals in which we both do not comprehend. Where we are in this world, doing our little things but still not fall into the deepest pits of sin. We like to party and have fun and there be no wrong in it. But how we know one day we’ll go back and be what we should be. How hard it is to find girls with the balance as with my own ideals. Now I feel my ramblings have made even worse sense than before. It has to end, especially when feelings on one side of the field where the game is being played. The record goes on playing but I myself know it will mean nothing again one day. The phrase in which “Girls come... Girls go...” I have to use so much now. I know it wouldn’t have lasted and that you one day would have to fly back to where you have to be. Doing your thing and I’ll still be here, wondering like before. The coffees finished now, it has to finish even faster than I thought. The cigars bitterness ending as the time is going by as well. Maybe a sense of fulfilment fills me now, a peace in which I know, I’ve said my part, only enough for me to know. I think again, all this may be because of the karma in which I deserve. When I do the exact same thing to others, to use the feelings to fulfil ourselves, but you manage to turn the tables on me and now, the contact of being able to see and talk to you seems to end like the way it ended with the other girls I’ve so ended it with. So I tell myself now, I’ve enjoyed so much of it. My ramble ends as the sky darkens, the cigar burns out and the coffee is no more. I smile looking around, I see you in another girl again but there is probably a difference. I will occupy the time left with no more thoughts, as I’ve wrapped them up in a package and put it in a pretty box called memories of you. Labels: Coffee and Cigars Sunday, June 15, 2008 @ 6/15/2008 10:54:00 PM
Strangely enough taken from the show which is on my tv now, Pushing daisies, highly enjoyable and vaguely humorous if you think too deep about it. Now where to begin, so much has changed, so much has happened through all these years. The first post which i secretly just want to type and share my life. Its not for anyone to read but only for myself. My thoughts my ideals and what to do with but my current and syncopated life. Unfortunately everything that I do now is army army army. Hopefully besides being completely surrounded by incessant green and just for fun moments. I keep sanity to myself and english with this. This continous writting to occupy time and in hopes of making time online more useful. Now the informative part where people say what they did for the day and what they've been doing... I've just finished a dog course which opened my eyes to some extend, dogs are just really cool creatures. I really really like dogs, the way they may drool all over you and lick you... its just their sign of affection. Maybe im just lacking loads of those. But there are just loads of connections a man can have with his dog. I feel i've learnt alot over the past few weeks with my dog. I call him Terminator, because he lacks in feelings in comparison with my friend's dogs, the way they pounce on their masters, stuff like these. However today which signify the last day which i would see him in my current camp and training. He showed the greatest amount of affection, licking my hand my arm running circles around me. Maybe its all in that moment and feeling that we both know the time we spent together, training, getting scolded and me scolding him when he does something wrong all meant something. Mann im begining to sound like a drag and a highly emotional person which is strange for me to become. Anyway i know myself that if ever when i get a place for a myself, with much hope a place which can keep a dog, i want one there, because they are great companions, and maybe when my wife kicks me out of bed i can at least still have some company. Now i think i should come to an end, the wrap up of at least today. I went for a father's day lunch with Mom and Dad. However i actually ate a donute, a macdonal meal and a big gulp before that. Ended up eating scraps from their table, no they didn't illtreat me, i meant food which they didn't want to eat and couldn't finish, but come to think of it, it sounds almost the same. Anyway recently the week before i feel myself a fool. The thrill that was young to put hope in imcompletely important things had taken its toll and for good now over. Thank goodness it is but the humbling experience which has changed me now, for the better now i hope. Time to go, time to live again -toby out- Labels: the poop Sunday, March 20, 2005 @ 3/20/2005 10:03:00 PM
i have something on my mind... it's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away and the feeling that i'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way all the times i have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays, with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need and i'm out of my league once again it's a master for melody when she calls out my name to me as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but i'd rather be here than on land yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need and i'm out of my league once again it's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away and the feeling that i'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way all the times i have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays, with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but i'd rather be here than on land yes she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need and i'm out of my league once again Friday, March 04, 2005 @ 3/04/2005 12:30:00 AM
 hat day!  Wednesday, March 02, 2005 @ 3/02/2005 08:18:00 AM
Mistake Number 1) i kept running to the left, with the mentality that it would be back hand( he was seriously giving backhand volleys, cause we were suppose to practice that! even when i mastered this move, he just kept serving me backhands!) 2) i realise i have a habit of tilting my racket for it to rest on my left hand with the racket looking like its going to make a backhand hit! (argh! irritating! i definately gotta change that habit liao lah!) 3) my movements were too motorised... i had to keep every single detail in my mind... so like shit! reminded me of the first time i learnt tennis and i didn't know how to move Therefore! i am a lousy player... after the volley training i was seriously damm pissed of with myself... but i guess something else encouraged me abit... all the "playing" with my outside friends and all did abit. Cause i was paired up with the two girls to play competitive... i had no choice lah... and i actually was able to at least beat a all guys team... of course the girls were there... saying "yay" i felt bad... cause i hit almost all the balls... the other guys were like... "eh... how come you play until so pro?" dan i was like " errrr like real! you're were all so onz about the game..." haha but seriously man! it was pure luck... the ball was just moving and i was just hitting them back... maybe playing outside did help abit. Anyway the first meetings over... now is break... and my most hated enemy is sitting across me. shes a real bitch lah... but im not a person who bitches about others... maybe only if she pisses me off damm bad... well... she pissed everyone in class off already... this is such long ENTRY! toby out Monday, February 28, 2005 @ 2/28/2005 12:16:00 PM
she says: I think u shld juz move on wif ur life. In case u're wondering why it didnt happen, tts becos im happily attached now. i say: Yeah... I just guessed as much... Two reasons... Attach to someone else, another is dat... i forgot... But... i jus needed u 2 do something like slapping me. To wake me up... Thanks... well guess its like that... but... i dun wanna stress myself out like in the past. maybe i should be different now... really different... dun wanna concentrate on this anymore... i should be concentrating on like my sports, my studies and everything else... just not on that... i see people... all over the place... couples here... couples there... maybe my time has past already... i did all those in the past... so its all over now... YUPS... i've been feeling kinda strange though... yups... the words couldn't come out from my mouth properly... when i go out with the guys or with my church people... i just wasn't myself... and i knew it... i just felt like i din wanna be the guy i was last time... well... did i say that 25 feb was my birthday? something happened but i dun wanna say what it was... anyway that night i stayed over at lemuels place... my house got bolted up. than on sat i got presents from my friends! how cool! I got tennis clothes and wrist band from Joanne benji josie and charles... and i got a quiksilver visor from Faith and Jessica! haha just like the one in Andy Roddick pic! hahah cool cool cool... i just looked at all my past photos... i realise i dun look like the person in the pics... i dunno why... the pics look so much better... but in real life... i feel weird... i seriously dunno wads happening to me... but i dun think i wanna think so much... just think i should go play sports... been lazing around too much... BACK to Medal of honour in school! Monday, January 17, 2005 @ 1/17/2005 07:05:00 PM
Friday, January 14, 2005 @ 1/14/2005 06:11:00 PM
Thursday, December 09, 2004 @ 12/09/2004 10:23:00 PM
Wednesday, December 08, 2004 @ 12/08/2004 09:59:00 PM
Saturday, October 23, 2004 @ 10/23/2004 08:02:00 PM
okay... i just came back from dinner... hahah i was too lazy just now to publish whatever i had... so nvm... haha im home now... but no one seems to be online... so bored to deathhhhhhhh... hey snoop can you make me happy? Monday, October 18, 2004 @ 10/18/2004 01:16:00 PM
Wednesday, October 06, 2004 @ 10/06/2004 07:28:00 PM
The boy thought everything was over but he himself knew that he couldn't control how his heart felt. The night before, he struggled to stay awake. Folding bus tickets into hearts, "how ironical" he thought, "that the bus tickets which i once used to fold these hearts, were the very same buses which i had once took with her." He continued folding till it was past his bed time and he poured sand into his bottle. The boy did not want to reveal the significance of what he was doing. He promised he would do so... once he met the girl. The boy went to sleep with feelings overwhelming him. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring. He woke up earlier than expected, he rushed out of bed, took the bottle and ran nearby to her condo. There he waited for ages but did not see even a glimpse of her. Did she know that he was coming and deliberately did not want to see him? He really didn't know. He got really sad, not understanding what was happening. He walked up and down the slope hoping that maybe she had got past him without him knowing. However he still did not see her. He continued to wait patiently as time went by. It seems like she totally disappeared and wasn't going school at all. He was depressed and disheartened, he was too lost to know what to do next. He walked back and forth, up and down the slope, even waited at the bus stop. Hoping to see her, but she never appeared. He took his hp out and tried to message her, but his past experiences tells him it wouldn't help much. She wouldn't reply him. But yet he tried anyway. He sent to her "Hey.. I waited outside your condo today. I wanted to give you something. But yet I never saw you. I walked up and down the slope many times. I saw 2 ppl from your school but yet i never saw you. Maybe fate was really playing with me. Now im still waiting hoping to see you. But you are most probably gone. Like the way you are from my life." However dumb he felt, he still waited for her, the most ironical thing was that when he saw a girl from her school, wearing her school uniform, he thought it was her and rushd up to try and greet her. But only to find that it wasn't her. This happened more than once and he was as lost as a sheep. He waited until time was lost for him. He wanted to stay forever at the bus stop to see her. But it seems fate did not allow it. His father messaged him asking where he was. A disappearing act from home like that was not a good thing for him. He lied that he had gone for a morning run, but that was only part of the truth, he did run, from his place to hers to try and meet her but was not able to fufil his wish. He had to leave now, it seems like he waited for about 1 and a half hours for her, but she didn't appear. He had to continue his life, a life in which he wished so much involved this girl again. Why did she do this? He still dosen't know why did she continue to make him suffer... As he was leaving and walking back, he kept turning back, hoping that he would be able to still see her. But it seems like that would be impossible. She continue t disappear from his life, and he continues to wish she didn't... Sunday, October 03, 2004 @ 10/03/2004 10:00:00 PM
Well, how should this start? It starts like all love stories, there once was a boy… a normal boy… The kind you’ll see on Orchad road making a fool of himself, or hanging around with his friends. Playing pool, or watching a movie. This story is about this boy… which fell in love with this girl. When he was in sec 3, he takes the bus to school everyday, I mean who doesn’t right? So he takes his bus as normal as he always does. But he just started taking bus, so when he gets on. He’s overwhelmed by the many people on the bus, “the morning rush” he thought to himself. He feels that every morning it’s going to be boring because he’ll be squashed everyday on that bus. But yet, with every dark cloud, comes sunshine. She gets on the bus, looking for a place. His eyes see light, he doesn’t know why, his heart suddenly pumps furiously, and wondering if what he felt was love. Being only sec 3, he must have been some very immature boy. Who didn’t feel like him before? Even as she finds a place to sit, his eyes wander following her movements. Soon the journey ends and she gets off the bus, he hopes to have his last glance at her but yet. It feels so strange to do so. The next few days… or weeks… He longs for the moment to be able to see her on the bus. Not wanting to look like a stalker he follows her glance, if she ever glances, to make sure that their eyes do not meet. To make sure that he was safe, just watching her for who she was. One day, in Lit class, the guys were competing about girls and everything. The boy feels different; he feels that he doesn’t have someone to love and wishes for someone to love him. But yet, he feels he doesn’t know what love is. The boy was emotional and talented with the ability to write what he felt. He was surprised about what he wrote in his literature class and when the girl came to his mind. He wrote his letter for her… The first letter he has every written for a girl he never knew. The next day, he gets really nervous, not knowing what to do with the letter in his pocket. He realizes that his bus comes and struggles on to it. The next few stops she would come on soon. When she goes on he turns cold, staying where he is, he doesn’t know what to do. What’s worse is that there is another guy… Some guy from another school, when he went near to her, he slipped a note to her. Well the boy… too overwhelmed by what has happened has no idea what to do; he fumbles the letter in his pocket. He doesn’t know what to do next. Before he finishes collecting her thoughts, she leaves the bus, leaving him with unmixed thoughts. The next day he decides he must do it, he must give her the letter. Letting her know how he felt was like the most important thing to him now. That day… he sits near her… his heart thumping non stop. Not knowing what to do. There is a limited time; the bus journey for her was going to end soon. And if he didn’t do anything he would regret it for the rest of his life. At that very moment, he just thought in his mind, “it’s now or never” he gave her the letter before she was about to leave… and that was it… He didn’t know what to expect next. His letter contained his number and his msn, but yet… the next day… he never saw her on the bus. Neither did he receive a sms or reply from her. He for one was very disheartened. He was just putting his hopes on a letter in which he felt, was very dumb of him. But the next day again, he didn’t get a letter from her, but love came to him in an e-mail. Finally her reply came and friends they made each other. Part 2 After he got to know her, everything went quite well, who wouldn’t be happy if a girl agreed to make friends with you? He was kinda happy… chatting with her online whenever he could. But the only problem was that she was from a strict family she didn’t even have a hand phone. But it was alright, as long as he could talk to her and get to know her. Everything else seem nice and dreamy… He would see her on the bus but be too shy to greet her. She would also pretend like they do not know each other. Maybe because she herself was shy or also because she wouldn’t know how to react if the boy said hi to her. Well he occasionally did say hi to her and both would suddenly go silent again. Not knowing what to say next. What could he do? He was just a small kid… in love… sometimes he did all he could. He gave her flowers on Valentines Day, it was one of the first few times he ever saw her besides being on a bus. He gave her presents on her birthday and he constantly let know that he was there. But her parents were very strict and they never did many things together and as time went by… People grew up Part 3 When the boy grew up… maybe he wasn’t so ordinary anymore. He had changed and things were beginning to be different. Before he was fat, un-cool and would be what someone no one liked. But maybe he changed for the better. He learnt to talk to more people and wasn’t as shy with girls. However the sad thing was that his relationship with the girl has changed as well. Things changed as… they didn’t contact each other as much. The girl got a hand phone… but they didn’t sms much… Everything seemed out of place… He had feelings but everything around was like forcing him to do other things. He didn’t mean to do it… But he did it… He had forgotten to give her a gift on Valentines Day. Let alone contact her or talk to her… This he regretted for the rest of his life. But something different happened, this girl… his dream girl… talked to him, and asked him why he didn’t do anything for her. Because he didn’t do anything… it triggered an effect that made her realize that she actually had feelings for him… You don’t know how happy this guy was… he was practically on cloud 9. At first when he thought all love has failed him. This girl who he liked deeply in the past was giving him a chance… After that day… they fell deeply in love… the boy talked to her everyday and they never once did they stop saying they miss each other before they sleep… how nice this fairy tale story would have been. If only it ended this way… Part 4 The boy one day received a sms saying that the girl had a lot to think… And needed to make some decisions. Obviously the boy was extremely horrified, he dosen’t know what he has done wrong. In fact he hasn’t done anything… which may have been why this has happened… That night itself… He couldn’t sleep… The words “what did I do wrong” kept running in his head… He wanted to tear his heart up… what was wrong? In his confused state of mind… he couldn’t understand… He wanted to call her on the phone the next day… sing her a song he invented… But her replies were always “no” a simple no… He tried desperately to change things but yet it left him no chance… He went to her house one day… of course her parents were at home… he wanted to give her a letter but yet she wouldn’t take it… he sneaked near the door and slipped the letter to the shoe case. He has never done something like this before… and yet it seemed like it meant nothing to her… Soon she was leaving for a while… When she needed to decide on things… When she came back… he was suppose to understand what she decided on… He was blurring beyond thoughts… She came back… and told him that they couldn’t be together… how ironical it must have been that they got to know each other through an e-mail… but yet… she decided to tell him that it would end in an e-mail as well… Part 5 The boy was confused… who wouldn’t be? One moment heaven is on earth and next you’re in hell… he couldn’t bear the pain he was feelings… of being loss… he had kept all to himself… committed everything to her… but yet… she told him no like this… he had no idea what she was thinking… One thing for himself… he had thought of many ideas for this thing… he blamed it on the way he acted around her… because he was a very childish boy… everyday said if only he would grow up… Girls also said if only he had acted more matured, girls would like him… But to himself, he only thought that he only wanted one girl to like him… And whenever he was around her… Acted very matured and un-fun loving… He also blamed it on his fate… maybe God didn’t want him to be with this girl… He didn’t know… But confused thoughts came to anger… and he did something which was horrible… he felt that the girl was being unfair… From that time… the girl did not talk to him anymore… nor bothered to answer him… One thing he thought of was that “I tried to call you, but u never agreed, I left messages for you but you never answered.” From than… it wasn’t the boy who had bad feelings… maybe it was the girl? The boy never thought that the girl was unfair… He thinks now that… maybe he has to prove himself for what he truly is… All he wishes for was another chance… and yet… it was not granted to him… How this story ends? I don’t know myself… but the truth is… this is where it ends… nothing more can be brought from it for her feelings died away… Saturday, September 25, 2004 @ 9/25/2004 10:08:00 PM
@ 9/25/2004 01:35:00 AM
hahaha its got the whole series of the ONE PIECE comic inside... so okay... blah blah blah... my mom and dad went to work... gave me 10 bucks for the whole day... sigh... no allowance during HOLS!!! =( than blah blah blah i went to cold storage to buy CRUNCHY!!! wait... is it crunchy? i cant remember! the stew like soup thing... hahah quite nice lahh... bought with bread than eat eat eat... PIG my life away... THAN at 3 something... BEEEEEP mark goh ask me go ochard... haha today is LEMS bday one lah... but actually now so late at night... it was YESTERDAY... haha than we suppose to go hang out... haha TALL mark goh message me out... and SHORT mark goh is too busy studying at home! bleahhhhhhh jc student! haha so i met mark at ochard... walk walk walk... AND THAN i almost stepped on a RAT at far east!! crap man! it was super duper stupid! Actually mark stopped me in time... but there was this other malay guy who shouted " hey dun step on my/your friend" *the reason why i put a "/" there is because I CANT REMEBER! i only saw the rat on the floor and was like "OH SHIT" hahahha the RAT apparently was bleeding for DUNNO wad reason... Some sick rat in the middle of far east steps there... like what happened man? the rat was bleeding and can see a trail of blood from where it was... of course SINGAPORE people very kay poh... everyone stand around like its some Treasure. haha than me and mark went up the level and watched... okay dun freak out... but the rat was STILL ALIVE!!! half dead!!! haha creeeepy... it looked like it was bleeding? or was it eating something which had alot of blood? cause the blood trail was like... yucks man... so as i go... the malay guy stood over the rat... and made sure people don't step on it... but the worse thing was the rat kept moving its head up and down... haha mark was like saying rats can transmit disease so don't anyhow go near it... But soon the show was over... the cleaner came... tried to grab the rat.. but looked like the rat BIT HIM... dunno about that... but he scooped the rat up... and threw it in the dustbin? hahahahah i dunno what happened to it!!! i think it went into the dustbin... but still its damm sick... haha GAME OVER.... KING LEMUEL HAS ARRIVED... birthday boy came in a TAXI lah... someone paid his taxi fare cause it was his birthday... how nice right? than we went to lido to buy tickets for a movie... NEW POLICE STORY by jackie chan... cool show... theres this new form of terrorist... its a good show man... After buying the tix went to meridian... monster cue to play pool... haha okok i dun wanna show off... but i always play pool better there... like my home ground or something... hahah so we were playing pool... than this guy on the next table with his gf... was teaching his gf how to play pool... haha than he challenge us to play pool... so we say okay lohh... so Lemuel played first game with him *ding ding* ROUND 1... Lemuel LOST!!! the most pro among us lost!! but that was cause he cleared the table first and played wrongly and hit the black ball in! haha stupid LEM! than next... *ding ding* ROUND 2 my turn!!! i played... this guy cleared his balls... left 2 balls of his... and maybe like... hrm... 5 balls of mine... he MISSED his balls damm alot... than i cleared all of mine... haha i really made alot of dumb shots lahh... but in the end... I WON!!! i doubled my black ball into the last hole... while he left with another ball... so gameover... haha this guy not bad... but i was super lucky! keep snooking him... i think im LUCKY KING OF SNOOK! haha so *ding ding* ROUND 3... Tall mark goh and stranger... MARK!!! wah he... HE THRASHED THAT GUY... they played 2 rounds lahh... but he thrashed that guy lahh... so in the end... the guy... i think he got angry... and i think he malu... cause his gf was there... and 3 small kids... haha okay not small kids... but just grown up small kids beat him in front of his gf lahh... so he angreeee... we offered to pay abit cause we played his table... but the guy like left in a huff to the counter... than his gf said nvm... ERRR uncle... if you seeing this... sorry lahh... we din mean to beat you... and embarass you... but... we were just lucky... so dun take it to heart man... Games are just Games... So after pool... movie... after movie... HOME... and tomollo i gotta wake up to play soccer with lem they all... ahah lem my alarm clock will call me... but i think i should make an effort to wake up... i mean... they play every sat... and when lem calls me... my hp on silent... i feel bad liao lah... so maybe go tomorrow... ANYWAY its so late liao... think i'll sleep soon... Good nite bloggie... i dun even noe why im talking to you now with a name... maybe im just sleepy... OH Miss Di Di please don't be mad... cause when you're mad... you're naturaly sad... and when you're sad... life gonna be bad... so... dun care what happens lah TOBY OUT Thursday, September 16, 2004 @ 9/16/2004 10:03:00 PM
HEY BLOGGIE!!! wahhh when was the last time i blogged? haha sighhhhhh okay lahh... i blog now.... i realise i only blog when im really really really sad.............. and bored lah k? hhaha anyway... i know whats my fav phrase "hahahahha" but like so lame right? dunno lohh... so the semesters ended... and im having hols!!!!!! but i know hols are damm sian... AND I CANT FIND MY FF8 game!!!!!! DISC 1 where are you?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!! so playing PS games... maybe out for some time... than today went to church to discuss on LTF camp stuff... haha i made it until quite nice... black shirts wif cool logos!!! ARE YOU LAME?! you better be!!! hahah this is not the final shirt lahh got many designs... but i think this one quite cool... like wrestling shirts liddat! with the BIG "WHAT?" on it... hahaha LTF peeps! get ready for camp!!! haha anyway im so sian lahh... nothing to do now... thats why im blogging... and wasting my time away.... WHO WANNA WATCH MOVIE WITH ME? anyone? please tell me... i wanna die liao... so everyone out there... if you still read this blog... haha stop reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Friday, August 13, 2004 @ 8/13/2004 12:56:00 PM
http://www.trance-tech.com/vids/WickedMoments.wmv HAHAHAHAH check this out!!!! was laughing my head off!!! Malaysian idol!!!! so much more original than the Singapore one... hahhaahha go see go see!!! especially the gay guy! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wanna puke laugh!! haha ??? eeeeeeeeee also... hahaha so sian in classs ah!!!!!!!!! i wish i could be out there doing something... Wednesday, August 11, 2004 @ 8/11/2004 01:53:00 PM
*7th august* hahah oh... saturday! so i went church lahh... for LTF youth group.. cant remember much but i think i spent alot of time there... dan after that went for Evening of Praise choir prac... haha blah blah blah... super tired dan went dinner! OH YEAH!!! i remember now!!! its the damm sian NIGHT!!!! we went dinner wif all the ppl!! dan after dat ppl were still hungy lohh... dan i was stupid enough to agree go supper with them... AND THAN that was the biggest mistake of that day!!! cause Daniel first fetched Josiah and Faith home! and they stay woodlands! which is JB!!! after dat fetched joei and rachie home... and dan AFTER THAT than went to thomson there to eat prata.. all cause the army guys! my bro and the rest still were hungry! by the time we were ready to eat! it was nearing 1 something?! dan we finished only 2 something!! was super tired dat i wanted to sleep!!! the only good thing was that i had my hp... and she was there to sms with me the whole time... *8thaugust* i woke up late lahh!!! obviously!!! dan i didn't reach church on time to go for 8am service and go choir prac... Was SUPER SIAN/TIRED... dan my bro! the best bro in the world... Left the house after me!!!! i wake him up dan hes like hack care go back to sleep!!! i left the house to take BUS and it took damm long to come lahh!!! sian lohh.... DAN MY BRO WENT TO TAKE TAXI after i left?!!!!!! so who reached church on TIME?! MR BOAZ CHAN ZI JIAN or issit? OFFICER CHAN ZI JIAN BOAZ?!!! i bet he must be reading this, so must purposely show him... hahahaha wadever man! hahah so ltr dat night was the party... the church party! hahah was quite fun lahh... but was pushed in the pool... =( sucks man... dan my mom scold me say dun let me go into the house? BUT thats my house too!!!!! not like i jumped in the pool or something!!! anyway after dat late late late at night the usual guys... the same guys who caused me to not sleep on saturday were still at our place... well playing around lahh or sort of play until they fell slept beside the pool! dan i went down call them lahh... with hubert and sherman... dan the all half naked sleeping by the pool lah... got them to wake up and they go home and stuff... dan they all use the toilet... and i no chance to bath!!! dan i sian! just went to sleep lohh super late liao... sumore still need to go out tomollo... *9th august* hahahah national day lah!!! yay!!!! but i din sing any songs! hahaha i went out to watch the VILLAGE!!!! lousy show man!!! trust me!!! make me laugh more dan i got scared... ahha *ahem* not like i got scared at all!!! im a MAN!!!! hahahahaha so i was strolling around ochard also... until it was time to go home... hahaha i think there was something different... something better happening. *10th august* hahaha new facilitator lahh... ahhaah 03 03 old teacher? hahaha super BOOOORING dude!!! hahaha i prefer the old facilitator mIss Teo or issit Mrs? hahaha dunno!! shes much cooler!! hahaha dan sian sian had class... made a few field trips... haha like bookshop and stuff... dan after school i went kino to check out the laptop covers! hahaha damm ex lahh!!! like i not some rich kid... im still deciding to buy... haha and dan i had to go for prayer meeting in church after dat... haha was kinda sad rite? cause i think i din do enough that day... *11 august* hahaha TODAY IS 11 AUGUST LAHH can u relax abit? the days not ended yet! i blog ltr! hahaha =p Friday, August 06, 2004 @ 8/06/2004 08:34:00 PM
hahaha song in my head : Ghost of you and me~ i nEveR mEaNt tO fALl iN lOvE wIth yOu~ TOBY OUT Thursday, August 05, 2004 @ 8/05/2004 10:24:00 PM
hahahah okay lahh... i wun do it... Only if she continues to be BIAS.... hahahaha cannot STAND her liao lohh.... must SIT down... hahahahha lame lame lame... hahah ahhhhhhhhhhhhh im confused!!!! i dunno wad to do.... sigh.... i realli realli stressed out about nothing!!! hhahahaha how weird is that?! hahaha maybe cause im on my thinking mood tonight... i just cant stop thinking!!! wahhhh ltr i cannot sleep also... brain still working. hahaha anyway wad did i do today?! erm... school... BiAsSsSs.... dan wad else? hrm... went for tennis... dan damm tired... cause i noe im the least fit guy around... haha and have to jump more.... dan i keep banging into the jeff guy! sian lahh... hit his head and stuff!!! ahhhhh i must excercise liao!! hahaha dan after dat came home... Now here! so boring! hahaha ltr got OC... must watch... haha and erm... today was actually quite a nice day... exchange of presents =P.... hahahahaha i think this font colour still the best... haha issit? TOBY OUT Wednesday, August 04, 2004 @ 8/04/2004 11:24:00 PM
TOBY OUT @ 8/04/2004 06:58:00 PM
 doggie! Monday, August 02, 2004 @ 8/02/2004 11:10:00 PM
TOBY OUT Friday, July 30, 2004 @ 7/30/2004 10:43:00 PM
TOBY OUT Thursday, July 29, 2004 @ 7/29/2004 10:09:00 PM
TOBY OUT! Thursday, July 22, 2004 @ 7/22/2004 10:30:00 PM
Sunday, July 18, 2004 @ 7/18/2004 09:01:00 PM
Friday, July 16, 2004 @ 7/16/2004 11:56:00 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2004 @ 7/15/2004 10:38:00 PM
Wednesday, July 14, 2004 @ 7/14/2004 09:25:00 PM
Tuesday, July 13, 2004 @ 7/13/2004 11:10:00 PM
Monday, July 12, 2004 @ 7/12/2004 09:58:00 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2004 @ 7/11/2004 06:32:00 PM
 spiderman 2?
haha today i blog earlier haha cause i seem to be quite free now and got NOTHING to do. haha well im still counting away day 5 since shes gone... sigh! ANYWAY haha i went to church early this morning... as usual 8am every sunday... than went for choir... was GOLDEN hour... haha well i dunno how golden hour is going to be like... sometimes i wish i had others people talent to sing well... than i'll be able to cope with almost anything. its like i think choirs cool, but im not cool in it... haha anyway after choir went out with Benji, Thomas, Jevon and Josiah... haha and for wad? To celebrate ben's 17th birthday! haha HAPPY BIRTHDAY ben... now you noe wad it feels like to be 17... is damm boring lah... like me liddat! hahha we watched SPIDERMAN 2?! haha which was what i wanted to watch for a long time liao... BUT!!!!!!!!!!!! i have to admit something... i kinda felt the show sucked abit? i dunno... ALOT OF TALKING and Peter parker looked like a real LOSER and a pang sai head poot head!!! hahaha sian lohh! i rather much have seen him wearing his costume more often dan when he dosen't wear it... haha in the cinema thomas was pointing out to me how retarded the Mary Jane looked also hahah watch closely!!! the part when she asks peter to kiss her... hahah her half open mouth half staring face! haha i was laughing my head off! the part i thought was cool when he was flying around the city... haha THATS ALL!!!! so disappointing lahh... haha anyway i watched it at LAST! hahah so now im at home, at just looked at my blog... seems that kim tagged me... haha thanks man! but... wanna noe how shes doing... Saturday, July 10, 2004 @ 7/10/2004 11:30:00 PM
Friday, July 09, 2004 @ 7/09/2004 09:56:00 PM
.2.jpg) school pic Haha okay! today is maybe a good day... was quite fun in school.. went around getting interview with my new mike! haha culture and communications class, coolest lesson today! haha no QUIZ and somemore... haha so i guess its good right?! haha but sigh... thinking back shes still gone for the 3rd day now... i don't know how long i would be able to stop thinking of her. haha maybe never? haha so as usual, im wasting my life away now. Doing nothing... im begining to feel everything so boring... Anyway i STILL HAVN"T WATCH SPIDERMAN! like so lame man... Than ping my bus stop partner offered to watch with me... haha how nice is that? haha BUT i din want lah... watch so late... so once again i havn't watched it yet. haha oh! as i said we did the interview thing for communications class... haha our class wasn't the only class and i was interviewed! =P haha took this pic with pings phone cause her group interviwed me. hahaha quite cool... was wearing the cyriva school of engineering shirt! but cannot see in this pic. haha so as usual, i just put the rubber bands on my teeth! really SUX! Some more tomorrow i gotta chair ltf with grace. haha havn't really planned things yet, but its quite simple i think? i have this question "Would it be alright to chair without sharing anything?" haha well kinda lame now i think of it... i feel its good to have a sharing lah... but im not gonna force it out of me if i have nothing... and i kinda feel i got nothing. haha but well trust in GOD. haha i just heard from rebecca about the guy whos after "her" haha it seems her fren dosen't wanna tell her anything cause hes on the other guys side. so like... haha since when were there sides? i dunno man... all i noe is... i dunno whats gonna happen, only till she comes back. hhaha Miss didi's computer is messed up. haha shes gonna send it to the doctor to be fixed... than if she send the computer... she wun go online... and our lose another chat partner. haha well i think today my blog quite long maybe should stop here... Verse of the day: 1 John 5:14,15 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us; And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. Thursday, July 08, 2004 @ 7/08/2004 10:06:00 PM
 *Pandas* Haha okay... for some reason my title dosen't show on my blog. So i think i'll have to make do without it. Well its the 2nd day shes gone. It seems time passes by so quickly, my hp is alot queiter too. For some reason, it dosen't beep at all now. i don't know whether it makes anything by saying this... But i think i really miss her. Well don't think i'll say too much about it. So today we had Cognitive processes and Problem solving. HAHA im suprised i got an A for the lesson before. Like that never ever happens for this module. Cause as everyone knows... SHES BIAS!!! haha today in class she was like going round talking to the people she likes... Asking them about joining some union thing. haha like whatever lohh.. shes so lame... ahha so today was not bad... Didn't have tennis training cause it was RAINING. haha i asked Mr Edmund Chan if we were gonna watch tennis tapes and shows of people playing tennis.. haha than he said that if i wanted he lend me the tapes, i bring home and watch... haha like nvm lohh... But i think i really need to know about more tennis stuff... haha so as usual, i hate my bracess cause now its got rubber bands... and its quite awful... can't open my mouth! forgot what its like to yawn already. haha im so proud of my blog song... quite nice right? It should be Craig Davids "you don't miss your water till the well runs dry" haha okay so im gonna play with my blog some more and if i got anymore nonsense i'll type it here! Verse of the day: John 6:35 And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst. Wednesday, July 07, 2004 @ 7/07/2004 10:05:00 PM
Verse of the day: Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. @ 7/07/2004 07:00:00 PM
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I live in Bikini Bottom, And I love to work at the krusty krab. :] gramaphone
"I guess i just need this to be alright" "The ends not near, its here" "You're a million ways to be cruel" "Caught by the river" "Sometimes we wear our hearts on our faces" stick it to the man
Pack up room Driving Test 'nuff said
inspiration: 001 hello goodbye
THE HILLS I'm Tobias Chan and I'm a fool |